Anyway, this day was a pretty, lovely one. It’s as though the sun was shining and a dove, a vivid green laurel on its beak. Yes, there was hope for me. What I thought was impossible was possible through other means. I thought it was the end of my engineering career. But, clearly it wasn’t and I have to thank my boss for it.
I would never trade teams. I like like like my boss. There’s something about him. He’s like Santino, only he’s bigger and older. His gaze will make you want to scream at yourself for being such an electronics wimp. He’s like Jasper in Twilight, the one who can bring peace on his colleague’s heart. He’s like Superman, who wants to save all of us from harm from, well, another company villains. He’s like a father, seeing to it that each of his team members performs well and gets the support that they need.
I am so lucky to be in his team. And I hated myself for my big mouth. Blogging has finally made me speak my thoughts. In one of our meetings with the big bosses, I spoke my thoughts, our group thoughts, intending to contribute to the currently talked on idea. However, some people, which I really don’t like, took it the wrong way. And I don’t know what impression my words had on them, on our manager and on the rest of the team, and most especially, on my boss.
I had this clean intention and others thought of it the wrong way. It’s not my problem anymore, but I think, I need to develop how to deliver my thoughts in a straight manner. My point, I think, hasn’t been seen by most. Well, only He knows that I meant well. But okay, I have to work on my words, my public speaking skills and my on-the-spot giving away of my thoughts.
Back to my project, I am nearing the end, but this is the part which requires more effort and skills and well, common sense. Yesterday, I ranted my feelings to my mother. I told her I don’t want my current job, yadda yadda yadda. That I want to do this and that and yadda yadda yadda. And of course, she showed me support. Told me I can decide for my life and that I can do whatever I deem is better. But now that I have done something today that has caused a major leap in my project, I want to do more. Haha. I’m encouraged and challenged and pleased with myself. Yay!
And yesterday, I ranted to my bestfriend slash boyfriend. We haven’t talked for days. He told me I can do the job search and reminded me that I can always look beyond the Philippine boundaries. Lol. I told him I still want to be here. In my country. I wouldn’t leave my family and of course, my dogs. I want to pack my bags and go live with him there, but that wouldn’t be possible. Besides, he’s the conservative one (and I’m the liberated one?) and he would not like that. He is such a tease. But the thought of being an expat and being in a new (foreign) city is interesting and exciting. I have tried living in different local cities for several months and each place has something to offer. I feel different and revitalized and I learn to discover more of myself.
Now, I played back the things that I have done for today from the moment that my eyes opened to another groggy, tiring, brain-eating day. (I am such a drama queen sometimes.) What I did after I woke up was to open the gift my mom gave me last April as a birthday gift — a red prayer book. When I ranted to her the night before, she told me to pray. Lift up my worries to him and believe that He’ll do something about it. Give Him my burdens when I can no longer carry it all by myself. She told me to pray this,
Prayer of An Engineer